All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
