Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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