I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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