So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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