I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
