Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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