I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
