I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
