Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
