I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
