I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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