hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
