I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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