whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
