She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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