You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
