I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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