unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
