Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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