The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
