Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Girls should come with a carfax report
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
