At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
