Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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