A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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