im six kinds of drunk right now
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
