The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
