another moral hangover. fuck.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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