Im at strip club and am horny
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
