This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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