did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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