Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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