Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
