i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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