Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
