While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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