Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
