Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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