im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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