I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
