Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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