I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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