In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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