; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
