Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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