I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My liver just had a heart attack.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
