so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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