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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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