He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
