That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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