Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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