So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
