see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize