They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
