just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
