Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
