i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize