alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
