By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
