so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
