remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
