if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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