Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
