this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
