i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize