she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
