I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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