You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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