He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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