he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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