Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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