I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
