forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
