he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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