Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
