So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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