I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
