the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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