somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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