I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
