I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
