seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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