the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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