I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
