you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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