can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
