Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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