I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
