If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
