now i know why i became what i already was.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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